Introducing the Enemy
You know who I don't like? People who don't like me and my friends, especially when there is no clear reason for it. Meet Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner. He runs a very successful little local coffeeshop where I used to be a regular. Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner is the unofficial mayor of the neighborhood, personally greeting every customer, inquiring about their special dogs and kids, asking how their trip to Tuscany was, and so on. Sounds great, right? When I first moved here 5-1/2 years ago, I thought so, too.
I lined up like everyone else every day and got my large iced coffee with soy milk, paid too much for it like everyone else, and sat outside watching the folks go by. Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner never learned my name, and the regulars all know him and each other, but I remained solo there. This was during a period when I freelanced mostly from home, so I put in a few hours a day at this cafe with my laptop. But the daytime regulars didn't seem to have anything to do other than while away their time discussing restaurants and NPR and dry cleaners and such, and I began feeling alienated from the local people and lifestyle. Their seemingly leisurely, idle, carefree, upscale-with-a-twist-of-bohemian lifestyle epitomizes what annoys me about this neighborhood.
Then I began to notice that not only was Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner not friendly to me, but his demeanor became barely civil when I got to the counter, greeting him with a smile and a hello. He'd shift gears from chatty with the other patrons to just greeting me with, "Large with soy?" in a flat, dead voice. So he knew my drink, but I was not to get any "how are the hubby and kids" talk. Not that I had a hubby (just checking out the occasional hot dad), but you know.
Finally I thought, F this cock, I'm not giving him regular business anymore. Thus began my boycott of the place, though I would still go in once in awhile since it was so convenient. The last straw came probably about two years ago when I went in there one day, on the phone with my mom, but talking at a respectful volume. Was just stirring in the simple syrup, literally seconds away from leaving the place, when Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner said, "ah--hello?" to get my attention, then, expressionless, tapped a sign with a drawing of a cell phone and a red NO circle crossing it out. I glared at him, left, cursing away about him on the phone, and have never darkened that doorway since.
So he wouldn't abide my talking on the cell phone in his little kingdom, but he did let me buy his overpriced drink first. Last time I checked, talking on a cell phone wasn't illegal, but you know what is illegal? Allowing dogs inside a dining establishment, which happens there all the time.
But I'm not the only one who's gotten the jerk treatment there. My roommate got a job there when she was new to Brooklyn--and I knew she'd be hired, since she has pixie-short hair, which is one of the acceptable looks for girls who work at this coffeeshop (although it helps a lot to be a sexy-accented foreigner with a ponytail and wisps of hair coming out just so). Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner has a sexy little foreign girlfriend (of course he does) who works there too, and they were both impatient with my roommate after not even training her properly, and fired her after three days, then barely paid her anything. And one of Reilly's and my first bonding points when we met was talking about what a jerk Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner had been to both of us. And so the contingent against that place grows.
Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner drove me away, which must've been the goal, and is now my enemy. I did not start this war, but I'm going to continue it. And by that, I mean I am going to keep exposing his snooty ways to anyone who will listen.
Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner, I am waiting for the day when a Starbucks opens up a block away from you. And when (not if) it does, I am going to go there EVERY DAY. I'll have a venti iced with soy, please (and this fistful of extra Sugar in the Raw packets goes into my bag).
I lined up like everyone else every day and got my large iced coffee with soy milk, paid too much for it like everyone else, and sat outside watching the folks go by. Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner never learned my name, and the regulars all know him and each other, but I remained solo there. This was during a period when I freelanced mostly from home, so I put in a few hours a day at this cafe with my laptop. But the daytime regulars didn't seem to have anything to do other than while away their time discussing restaurants and NPR and dry cleaners and such, and I began feeling alienated from the local people and lifestyle. Their seemingly leisurely, idle, carefree, upscale-with-a-twist-of-bohemian lifestyle epitomizes what annoys me about this neighborhood.
Then I began to notice that not only was Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner not friendly to me, but his demeanor became barely civil when I got to the counter, greeting him with a smile and a hello. He'd shift gears from chatty with the other patrons to just greeting me with, "Large with soy?" in a flat, dead voice. So he knew my drink, but I was not to get any "how are the hubby and kids" talk. Not that I had a hubby (just checking out the occasional hot dad), but you know.
Finally I thought, F this cock, I'm not giving him regular business anymore. Thus began my boycott of the place, though I would still go in once in awhile since it was so convenient. The last straw came probably about two years ago when I went in there one day, on the phone with my mom, but talking at a respectful volume. Was just stirring in the simple syrup, literally seconds away from leaving the place, when Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner said, "ah--hello?" to get my attention, then, expressionless, tapped a sign with a drawing of a cell phone and a red NO circle crossing it out. I glared at him, left, cursing away about him on the phone, and have never darkened that doorway since.
So he wouldn't abide my talking on the cell phone in his little kingdom, but he did let me buy his overpriced drink first. Last time I checked, talking on a cell phone wasn't illegal, but you know what is illegal? Allowing dogs inside a dining establishment, which happens there all the time.
But I'm not the only one who's gotten the jerk treatment there. My roommate got a job there when she was new to Brooklyn--and I knew she'd be hired, since she has pixie-short hair, which is one of the acceptable looks for girls who work at this coffeeshop (although it helps a lot to be a sexy-accented foreigner with a ponytail and wisps of hair coming out just so). Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner has a sexy little foreign girlfriend (of course he does) who works there too, and they were both impatient with my roommate after not even training her properly, and fired her after three days, then barely paid her anything. And one of Reilly's and my first bonding points when we met was talking about what a jerk Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner had been to both of us. And so the contingent against that place grows.
Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner drove me away, which must've been the goal, and is now my enemy. I did not start this war, but I'm going to continue it. And by that, I mean I am going to keep exposing his snooty ways to anyone who will listen.
Aging Hipster Coffeeshop Owner, I am waiting for the day when a Starbucks opens up a block away from you. And when (not if) it does, I am going to go there EVERY DAY. I'll have a venti iced with soy, please (and this fistful of extra Sugar in the Raw packets goes into my bag).
posted by Colleen at 11:30 AM
6 Comments:
Gahh! YES. In fact, I'm calling Starbucks right now and asking them why they haven't opened there yet.
Better yet, I hope that during Sbux's inevitable demolition of some historic building to make room for more green awnings, they hire some big burly forklift driver so I can meander over there, flash some thigh, and he can 'accidentally' bash in Aging Hipster's front window. Oops! My bad!
Wait do I spy a place on state street? I am a friend of Brandy's -- she linked to you so here I am eating me lunch and reading about someone I don't know = you. Good stuff!
BTW -- I think the aging hipster owner only like you if you wear those croc plastic slippers, ugly (80's skid-like) pants and have an adopted asian or other race which you clearly are not child... and really only if you use the brown sugar cubes... what did you say -- no i don't want aspinach tofu veggie empanada sir...I am done with that place as well!
I am down to get real stoop-ed any day you are.... I am on carroll gardens stoop patrol.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS walks around b'rum too much -- spotted her 3 times other day -- she looks norm, not celeb but i will say i watched her every move while she was in eyes view... I would like to sit on her stoop.
Are you guy on "the boat bar" patrol - I frequent -- not proud either.
Later stoopers... I need to update my stupid blog have lost steam on that last 2 months.
Keep stoopin
fuck that dude and his friggin' coffee shop. shout it from the rooftops, tell everyone you meet that you found a pube in your cup, whatever you got to do.
i'll support you.
Colleen! I need to know- I don't think I've been there somehow. I go to D'Amico's because A) I like the open hostility towards both employees and customers B) they had a mad hot 17 year old D'Amico clan member who works there and C) the coffee is so fucking great.
You must whisper the name of this place and I will join the fight by continuing not to go there AND badmouthing it. Get f'd you coffee troll!
I know this guy. I got the cell phone silent treatment a few weeks ago except that the sign was amiss and he scrambled to find it and shove it into my face.
There are always these hipster motor-bike types going in there and he tries to act as young as they are. I got annoyed with him but I keep going back for the iced tea and pressed sandwiches. WTF is up with their ac???
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